I had my first posing class on Saturday with Susan Groshek! It was great to be there with the other girls and get to watch them and then try to imitate. Let me be honest and say I really thought it wasn’t going to be that hard. But it was like stand up tall, shoulders back, but dont pinch them, lift them, but don’t roll them, flare your lats, just look confident, exaggerate your hips and move your shoulders, stick your butt out but dont look like a slut, oh and keep your elbow out, not behind you, smile, make eye contact with the judges, oh…and try to look natural.
So, now I won’t judge the girls on stage that seem stiff, or seem to not be able to concentrate on anything except their pose. I’ve seen girls on stage, instructed by a judge to step forward and they practically stay in position and just scoot. NOW I KNOW WHY!!!
Workin’ a cat walk is harder than it looks!
I’ve got work to do. And by work I mean…I’ve got a lot of staring in the mirror at myself to do and trying not to freak out that I might look like the spawn of Frankenstein (in posing suit).
“How much do you weigh?” that question has NEVER scared me. Until today.
My trainer asked me how much I weighed in at on Monday. Monday…the day after I “improvised” for a whole weekend because I was low on groceries.
After I confessed my weight and what I did, she did not say “it’s ok, just pick yourself back up and get back on track”. She did not say “don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing great” or “you’ve got time”. She was kind with her choice of words, but there was no doubt she laid it to me straight.
I cannot cheat. 5 weeks will go by quick and I will be standing next to girls who have done this for years…they know what they’re doing. I can’t let myself think I will be up against other newbies.
My mom just left to go back to the Philippines and before she left she said, “Don’t let all your hard work go to waste by binging on a cracker.” 🙂
I want to do this for everyone who believes in me and has supported me. I want to even do this for my trainer, Susan Groshek! Everyone has been cheering me on and I feel like this past week I failed them all by indulging in a series of momentary pleasures. How dare I! I will honor them and the hard work I’ve invested since Aug 16 and I will be 100%! A REAL 100%, not the figurative speech kind…the REAL “I-am-giving-it-literally-everything-I’ve-got” 100%.
I feel 100% focused and motivated but mixed with feelings of guilt – I’m having a hard time dealing with the guilt of messing up. I feel like I have already failed. But this is a bad attitude. I need to stop looking behind me and press on, but it’s so hard to not hate myself for sabotaging my potential on stage.
Things to keep in check:
- My walk with God – with all this focus & dedication on the competition I cannot let myself be distracted from my purpose in life.
- Nutrition Plan – eat my meals timely and perfectly (weigh/measure), no deviations!
- Vitamins & supps
- Training – rest less, go heavy
- Cardio – push myself harder each session
- Water intake – get it all in!
- Sleep – come on girl, 7 hours+. Get it!
I went on a snowboarding trip during prep and stayed on track! But when I came back I guess I felt like I had it under control and began the “oh just a couple pretzels to keep me sane” thing.
Before I knew it, I had eaten about 5 pretzels every night that week.
Then my trainer changed my diet. Ok, I thought…here is your fresh start. But I ran out of a couple items and didn’t hit the grocer so I was “improvising” and ended up eating my 4 oz chicken in between 2 slices of wheat bread…or exchanging my one rice cake for 2 pieces of peanut butter toast.
Monday morning was the moment of reckoning. Weigh in. I was mortified at the reading. Up 2 lbs.
5 weeks out and I am UP 2 lbs when I should have LOST 2 lbs!!!
Nothing can shake me from my diet today. Nothing. The weight of the sheer horror cloaks me. I must stay focused. It’s like Susan Dowse said, “The whole point is to [take] my body to a place it hasn’t been. To see what I am capable of….. Everything matters. Both the hunger and the indulging matter.”
I have remembered why I am dieting and training. I have reignited the fire of excellence. My goals are hanging on a plaque around my neck. I am ready to meet the challenge of the final 5 weeks and Lord-willing I WILL finish strong. Excitement and perseverance – Let’s do this.
The other day I was having a really downer day that was the sum of the previous two days that were also quite rough. My mood was down and out, I could tell I was very tense. I posted that the last 3 days were rough, then when my friend Donloree asked if I was staying hydrated, it hit me! I broke my water jug 4 days ago!!
I quickly downed the first 24 ounces and already was feeling a world of difference! I ran for more water…I am still in shock at what a difference water makes. I am on such a strict diet, that the smallest imbalance is magnified, so it should be no surprise that the dehydration was so largely impacting my well being.
Beginner’s tip: STAY HYDRATED
Today was my first day training with Susan Groshek! I came very close to death. We started out with about 5 minutes of fast walking for a warm up on the tread mill (approx 3.5mph) then walking lunges across the gym then double walking lunges coming back (each lunge comes up and then back down twice before taking another step), then 20 squats, then 20 leg raises, then 30 jumping lunges (the last 15 I did as jumping squats). All this at a HIGH pace with no rest. That was one circuit and I was due 3! I almost blacked out on her and a quarter of the way through the second circuit I was very confident that I was going to vomit across Jerome’s gym. I couldn’t see where the women’s locker room was, so she had to take me. Susan of course encouraged me saying that the first day is the hardest and legs are the worst and also added that everyone goes through this the first time.
She gave me a meal plan that includes my vitamins, supps, and even the amount of water to drink. I will be following it to the T. I don’t want to stay at this condition level. Eek. The meals are intense –I took one look and thought “Day one’s meals could feed me for a week!!”
My first day was awesome. Brutal, but exactly what I wanted.
This is going to be a fun ride 🙂