I feel empowered now that there are a mere 26 days. Time will fly by. I’ve got to keep my eyes open – learn all that I can and have FUN while I am racing to the finish line.
Now that I have more cardio and am training harder (because I am training more days with my trainer to make sure of it) I am feeling a lot more fatigued. Need sleep!
Food calls to me, but I tell it to wait and sometimes I don’t answer. The switch has flipped – several times this weekend I stared at food and almost caved, then realized it was time for my next meal. Even though asparagus did not sound better than those snacks, I ate it and then jumped on the cardio. I won that battle!
I need to make sure that the efforts to increase my relationship with God is not distracted by my need to focus on prep. Prep is seemingly easier (for now). Time to remind myself of where my heart should be.
I started to evaluate my body by comparing it to a bikini PRO, to give me a good idea on where I want to be come April 2nd.
It probably is completely humanly impossible to look like a pro on my first show with only 4 weeks left, but I like to use it as my measuring stick.
I looked at pictures of NPC amateurs and noticed a lot of them had very under developed abs and lacked that nice curve of the outer quad.
So I want to keep in mind, as I train, that there may be many areas of my body underdeveloped unless I put serious attention on them. (I know, I know…even still, I will probably be very underdeveloped at my first show. But I have to try 🙂 right?)
Below is Bikini Pro Tianna Ta. I look at her abs and her quads and even her arms. She certainly didn’t get there by eating bon-bons and watching soap operas – this girl busted her can! I’m trying to visualize MYSELF becoming like this so that I can stay excited about sweating and working till my head spins off!
Train with excitement and perseverance!
I THOUGHT I knew how to eat healthy and how to improvise, but I proved that idea wrong over the weekend.
I had gained 2 pounds when I was supposed to LOSE 2 pounds. I really set myself back with only 4 weeks left.
I had to face the music. After informing my trainer she was honest about the implications of my food choices but also told me a lot can happen in the final 4 weeks, but I have to stick to the plan.
Abiding the diet now 100%, but I am kicking myself for what I did. Ok…regroup…what can I do. I absolutely do NOT want to get on stage with thoughts of regret or “I should have done…” or “oh my gosh I should not have…”
The diet is making me feel weak at the gym so I am not pushing myself as far as I used to. I decided I need more time with my trainer or Luke so that I could be pushed or spotted.
I am an action girl – a doer. So here is a list of things that I need to do to help me feel like I am doing EVERYTHING I possibly can to come in strong on April 2nd:
- GET BETTER SLEEP – I really, really, really need to get serious about sleep
- Drink all my allotted water
- Stick 100% perfectly to the nutrition plan Susan designed for me
- Train more days with Susan to make sure I can get through my workouts
- Watch my posture
My cardio has increased a bit and am relegated to running or stepmill. Relegated…that is such a negative word…I have been AWARDED the opportunity to still reach my potential! THANK YOU, I’LL TAKE IT!! 😀
This is me about to bust my butt like no body’s business. It can be done. It will be done.
“How much do you weigh?” that question has NEVER scared me. Until today.
My trainer asked me how much I weighed in at on Monday. Monday…the day after I “improvised” for a whole weekend because I was low on groceries.
After I confessed my weight and what I did, she did not say “it’s ok, just pick yourself back up and get back on track”. She did not say “don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing great” or “you’ve got time”. She was kind with her choice of words, but there was no doubt she laid it to me straight.
I cannot cheat. 5 weeks will go by quick and I will be standing next to girls who have done this for years…they know what they’re doing. I can’t let myself think I will be up against other newbies.
My mom just left to go back to the Philippines and before she left she said, “Don’t let all your hard work go to waste by binging on a cracker.” 🙂
I want to do this for everyone who believes in me and has supported me. I want to even do this for my trainer, Susan Groshek! Everyone has been cheering me on and I feel like this past week I failed them all by indulging in a series of momentary pleasures. How dare I! I will honor them and the hard work I’ve invested since Aug 16 and I will be 100%! A REAL 100%, not the figurative speech kind…the REAL “I-am-giving-it-literally-everything-I’ve-got” 100%.
I feel 100% focused and motivated but mixed with feelings of guilt – I’m having a hard time dealing with the guilt of messing up. I feel like I have already failed. But this is a bad attitude. I need to stop looking behind me and press on, but it’s so hard to not hate myself for sabotaging my potential on stage.
Things to keep in check:
- My walk with God – with all this focus & dedication on the competition I cannot let myself be distracted from my purpose in life.
- Nutrition Plan – eat my meals timely and perfectly (weigh/measure), no deviations!
- Vitamins & supps
- Training – rest less, go heavy
- Cardio – push myself harder each session
- Water intake – get it all in!
- Sleep – come on girl, 7 hours+. Get it!
I went on a snowboarding trip during prep and stayed on track! But when I came back I guess I felt like I had it under control and began the “oh just a couple pretzels to keep me sane” thing.
Before I knew it, I had eaten about 5 pretzels every night that week.
Then my trainer changed my diet. Ok, I thought…here is your fresh start. But I ran out of a couple items and didn’t hit the grocer so I was “improvising” and ended up eating my 4 oz chicken in between 2 slices of wheat bread…or exchanging my one rice cake for 2 pieces of peanut butter toast.
Monday morning was the moment of reckoning. Weigh in. I was mortified at the reading. Up 2 lbs.
5 weeks out and I am UP 2 lbs when I should have LOST 2 lbs!!!
Nothing can shake me from my diet today. Nothing. The weight of the sheer horror cloaks me. I must stay focused. It’s like Susan Dowse said, “The whole point is to [take] my body to a place it hasn’t been. To see what I am capable of….. Everything matters. Both the hunger and the indulging matter.”
I have remembered why I am dieting and training. I have reignited the fire of excellence. My goals are hanging on a plaque around my neck. I am ready to meet the challenge of the final 5 weeks and Lord-willing I WILL finish strong. Excitement and perseverance – Let’s do this.
I do this to my husband daily 😛
“Can I Just Smell Your Food?” How many of you have asked that question? hahaha
It’s funny and a non-dieter would never understand that we truly get satisfaction from smelling warm donuts or smelling your enchiladas or that juicy cheeseburger.
Becca from ihearteggs talked about this too so I KNOW I am not alone haha
Ah…sweet dieting… The dieting and mental resolve that this sport demands is the most difficult thing about this process. It is definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am so glad to be doing this – I have so much more respect for the women on stage. I used to think of some of them as “Barbies” and maybe even “ditz”, but now I know otherwise. Those girls are TOUGH. BEASTS. MACHINES. and the most dedicated people you will ever meet. Can I hear an Amen?!
I had my first real emotional breakdown of the figure training life.
After an amazing trip of snowboarding, I was talking about obsession which immediately backfired. I was so shocked at the comments everyone was making about how obsessed I am about my fitness journey. It hurt because not only have I been trying hard to NOT be obsessed (but focus on my walk with the Lord and just try to keep up), but I also had been terribly struggling with the diet and fitness lifestyle. I’ve been wanting to quit for weeks! But the sheer disdain I have against quitting has kept me from throwing in the towel.
This life is hard. I don’t like having my food dictate when or how I can party or have my leg day dictate when I can rock climb, or “no, I can’t go mountain biking, because I need to lift heavy tomorrow on shoulders”. I don’t like NOT eating Pansit (one of my favorite Filipino dishes) on Sunday afternoon with the family. I don’t enjoy going out to eat and having to be the pickiest person at the table.
This is a solo sport…but golly…who can do this alone? Not me.
I finally lost it. Husband to the rescue. Knowing that he is proud of me and even said he is in awe at what I am doing just makes this whole thing bearable.
“I don’t think anyone is more determined and tenacious than my wife”, thanks babe…I needed that.
Still praying for wisdom on how to continue (and how to hold it together 🙂 )