“How much do you weigh?” that question has NEVER scared me. Until today.
My trainer asked me how much I weighed in at on Monday. Monday…the day after I “improvised” for a whole weekend because I was low on groceries.
After I confessed my weight and what I did, she did not say “it’s ok, just pick yourself back up and get back on track”. She did not say “don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing great” or “you’ve got time”. She was kind with her choice of words, but there was no doubt she laid it to me straight.
I cannot cheat. 5 weeks will go by quick and I will be standing next to girls who have done this for years…they know what they’re doing. I can’t let myself think I will be up against other newbies.
My mom just left to go back to the Philippines and before she left she said, “Don’t let all your hard work go to waste by binging on a cracker.” 🙂
I want to do this for everyone who believes in me and has supported me. I want to even do this for my trainer, Susan Groshek! Everyone has been cheering me on and I feel like this past week I failed them all by indulging in a series of momentary pleasures. How dare I! I will honor them and the hard work I’ve invested since Aug 16 and I will be 100%! A REAL 100%, not the figurative speech kind…the REAL “I-am-giving-it-literally-everything-I’ve-got” 100%.
I feel 100% focused and motivated but mixed with feelings of guilt – I’m having a hard time dealing with the guilt of messing up. I feel like I have already failed. But this is a bad attitude. I need to stop looking behind me and press on, but it’s so hard to not hate myself for sabotaging my potential on stage.
Things to keep in check:
- My walk with God – with all this focus & dedication on the competition I cannot let myself be distracted from my purpose in life.
- Nutrition Plan – eat my meals timely and perfectly (weigh/measure), no deviations!
- Vitamins & supps
- Training – rest less, go heavy
- Cardio – push myself harder each session
- Water intake – get it all in!
- Sleep – come on girl, 7 hours+. Get it!